Dumb Questions I Ask Kirby

Yes, I talk to my dog all the time. Yes, I also answer for him all the time. He doesn't seem to mind that I have become a dog crazy lady. In fact, I'm sure he quite relishes this attention although I swear I've seen him roll his eyes a time or two.

Dumb Question Number 1: "Kirby, do you want to go outside?

Kirby lives for outside! Whether it's through the back door to his fenced yard full of interesting things to explore or the carport door when we need shelter from the rain, he has never said, "No, not right now". He always seems to know what the weather is since he always goes to the right door.  When the weather is good, I'll leave the back door open. I do close the door once it gets dark.  He has a thing he does whenever I'm curled up in the recliner.  He will jump up with his front paws on the side and bark.  When I ask if he wants to go outside, he simply turns his head toward the back door then back at me.  If I say just a minute, he will sit and stare at me until I get up.  Longer than five minutes and he'll speak in that funny gargled sort of way.  

One time I knew I had gone over the edge when I said in a Kirby voice, "mama get up off your fat ass" and then "mama I dint say that, you did". His huge eyes, ever watching me, showed just a glimmer that he knew I was crazy!

Dumb Question Number 2: "Kirby, do you want a bite?

Kirby is truly a foodie gourmand but he has gentleman manners. Often times I eat informal which means on the couch or in the recliner in front of the tv. It's my relax time. Kirby was trained as a pup not to beg or whine. He knows one sound and there's not a chance of even a taste. He has always sat very still, very quietly watching me eat. Of late he has learned a new trick all by himself which he has discovered gets me all the time. His drool look. I swear it's a perfected art. First he uses the saddest puppy eyes although he can't contain his excitement which shows in his raised ears. Next he ever so slowly lets the tip of his tongue hang out of his closed mouth. He knows he must wait until I set the plate on the floor, however, that perfected look has earned him a slipped bite or two beforehand. As I slowly lower the plate to the floor, he jumps down, runs around the coffee table, and gets into his "down" position. Inches from the plate he makes eye contact with me waiting for the ok command. I make it a point to leave a few bites and, if what I'm eating isn't dog friendly, I have a few pieces of cheese on standby so as not to disappoint him. 

The Drool Look

Dumb Question Number 3: "Kirby, do you want to go bye-bye?

Kirby loves to go anyway, whether a road trip or just a run to the store. He isn't a fashionista of course but he does take notice of what I'm wearing. Clothes he associates with work mean he must stay in his playroom when I leave. He does this without question or complaint. As I'm walking down the hallway I can hear him working on his interactive toy I just filled with kibble.  

It's when I take his harness from the playroom that sends him into a frenzy. Whimpering, barking, running. Ears at full alert, tail wagging enough for lift-off, eyes full of excitement. "No, I think I'll stay home and wait for you" will never be barked. I read a meme one time that talked about how a dog doesn't understand how a car works so they think it's an amazing box that takes them on adventures. Kirby loves the adventure.

Pine Straw

Dumb Question Number 4: "Kirby, do you want to play?

Kirby loves to play. Any time, any where, any way. He loves a game of chase. He even thinks trick training is a game. He has too many toys for just one dog as I can't stop myself from buying another that I just know he'll love. He has a toy box in my bedroom and two toy boxes in his playroom. He has toys that squeak, round balls and footballs, tug toys, and a few stuffed animals as big as him he loves to drag around. He loves his green froggie and a little green duratuff bone is the only toy he will actually fetch, preferably in the water. He knows the name of almost every toy so it's fun to tell him to go get ___. Most times he'll find that toy on the first request. Once in a while, it takes the second request for him to bring the right one. Then there are the times he brings what I think is the wrong one but it soon becomes obvious by his attitude that he just doesn't want that  ___, he wants to play with this one.  He's a considerate player too when it comes to tug toys. We let him win often but what's so endearing is that he brings the toy back close as if to say, "here, grab it". 

Dumb Question Number 5: "Kirby, did you just fart?

Kirby doesn't pass gas often but when he does, it can clear a room. Seriously silent but deadly. One time on a road trip we had to pull over and get out of the car. It was that bad. We've noticed he usually has gas whenever he eats steak. We like ours medium rare meaning a good vet could probably save that cow so I sometimes wonder if it's too raw for him making it harder to digest. But back to the question. When asked he just looks at us with this guilty look on his face as if knows we know but wants to say, "what? that wasn't me".   

Do you ask your dog these dumb questions too?