Sunday Smiles

A Dog Talks To God...

Dear God: Is it on purpose our names are the same, only reversed?

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smells each other.

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven?  If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: If a Dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him,is he still a bad Dog?

Dear God: Is it true that in Heaven, dining room tables have on-ramps?

Dear God: If we come back as humans,is that good or bad?

Dear God: We Dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?

Dear God: Are there dogs on other planets, or are we alone? I have been howling at the moon and stars for a long time, but all I ever hear back is the beagle across the street!

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a Dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?

Dear God: Is it true that dogs are not allowed in restaurants because we can't make up our minds what NOT to order? Or is it the carpets again?

Dear God: Here are just some of the things I must remember to be a good Dog.

  • I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up. 
  • I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell. 
  • The Litter Box is not a cookie jar. 
  • The sofa is not a 'face towel'. 
  • The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff. 
  • I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet. 
  • Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'. 
  • I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table. 
  • I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after. 
  • I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt. 
  • I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch. 
  • The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing. 
And my last question, When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?

Disclaimer:  I take no credit for this.  I came across several variations which I combined.  I could not locate an author's name.